As I mentioned in part one (which you can find here: https://travishowellslpc.com/the-therapeutic-relationship/) the therapeutic relationship (the alliance between you and your therapist) is necessary to help you make positive change but it has certain limits. Your therapist knows many of your most personal thoughts and secrets and needs to protect them for your safety and well-being. In a professional relationship that’s no problem because they are focused on helping you. You might think they would be just a courteous if you were to date them, but all relationships have arguments. What happens when A little fight over the dishes spills into something about your deepest secret, or a fight about your mother tempts your partner/therapist to tell your mother everything you hate about her? The possibilities get pretty ugly. Here are the things to avoid in your therapeutic relationship.
- Don’t date your therapist. Some of the dangers are explained above but there are others. For example, what if you don’t think you have to pay your therapist for services anymore because you are just “hanging out with your girlfriend/boyfriend”? By extension, don’t marry your therapist either.
- Your therapist shouldn’t be your friend. Its far too likely that your therapist could be put in a situation where they reveal something they shouldn’t in your social circle. Accidents can happen.
- You’d think I wouldn’t have to say this one, but you’d be surprised. Don’t have sex with your therapist. It’s far too easy for the therapeutic relationship to slip into one about power and control, or romance, should that happen.
- As a matter of fact, be cautious about physical contact with your therapist as well. Appropriate amounts of touch often vary form culture to culture so there is no hard and fast rule here. Some contact, like a brief hug, is acceptable if it’s within your cultural limits. However, contact that is too frequent or lingers too long could easily be misread by either party as romantic or sexual when it isn’t meant to be.
The final thought worth sharing is that some ethical codes for therapists say that a relationship or sex after two years can be appropriate, but many would disagree with that. It’s best to stay on the safe side and let your therapist just be your therapist. If your therapist doesn’t want to hang out with you this Friday evening it isn’t because they don’t like you, it’s because they are protecting you from themselves.
-Travis