That’s a question most everyone has wondered before coming in for the first time. Most people have a vague idea about what therapy is like, either from watching TV or from hearing about the experience from someone else. There’s this vague notion that you talk to someone about your problems and that someone somehow makes you feel better and all your problems go away. Does that sound about right?
The truth is another one of those things that depends on who you are talking to. There’s actually far more than one approach that a therapist can use to help someone. Despite the many different approaches there are common factors and I’ll focus on telling you about those while spending just a small time on the differences.
There is one thing that bridges all approaches to therapy and that is the therapeutic relationship. Therapy doesn’t work if you and the therapist don’t get along. That doesn’t mean the therapist is trying to be your friend (we aren’t), but we do want to form a bond with you so that they really understand you and where you come from so that we can best help you. Besides, are you really going to take advice form someone you don’t trust? Of course not, and we know that well.
The very first session also tends to look familiar between the different types of therapists. We are really going to focus on getting to know you and your problem. We also try to get important details from your past that may be important for your present problem. Things like trauma, developmental concerns, work history, relationships, and many other things from the past often influence the present. You will be doing a lot of talking and explaining the first time. I know I write more things down the first time than any other time and I try not to be rude about it! The result of all that talking should be that the therapist helps you identify a goal for you to achieve.
After the first time is where things start to get different. I like to divide what the therapist does into two categories: active and passive interventions. For an active intervention the therapist is leading the activity. We may be providing education about mental health, teaching a coping skill, or providing a specific kind of intervention. Some therapists are especially active in their interventions and may even have a strict process or workbook guide where they take you along a specific step-by-step process. A therapist using a passive intervention is going to be letting you do most of the talking and chime in on occasion to guide you along. Both of these things are done to help YOU make change. If all a therapist did was tell you what to do you could have just paid your friend to do that. There are different opinions on the best way to bring about that change. Some therapists focus on changing your behavior while others focus on changing your thoughts. Others even adhere to the growth that comes from simply allowing people to vent about their problems out loud to an objective 3rd party. Either way the goal is healthy change.
Some therapists prefer to use active interventions while others focus on a passive approach. Most probably switch between active and passive roles depending on that the client seems to need that particular day. I tend to be passive more often but when there is space for me to take an active role I focus on making it a meaningful lesson that really counts.
There’s another stereotype about therapy that many people have heard about or know of. Oftentimes, when your therapist talks to you it may sound like they are repeating what you just said back to you but with different words. That’s not laziness, there’s an important reason we do that! It’s called reflective listening. Without getting to far into the philosophical and technical details, the purpose of reflective listening is to show you that; 1. We are listening to you, 2. We are highlighting what is important about what you said and 3. We are guiding your perception of what you just talked about in a way that we think will lead to personal growth. Remember, the ultimate goal is to help you change the way you think and change some part of your behavior so that you can make healthy change in your life.
It’s hard to explain what every possible aspect of therapy is like, but I hope I’ve given you a broad idea about what to expect. There are multiple theoretical approaches that we can bring to therapy and even more specific therapeutic interventions that we can teach! The best way to get a feel for therapy is to take the plunge and try it out for yourself.
-Travis
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